The Worst Advice, with Mari

Bonjour and how-do. This is Mari DeMonte’s first advice column.

Mari is a sassy woman and a barber here in New York City. That’s how we met. She gives damn good advice so I thought she’d be a good person to tap for The Worst Advice, our weekly advice column.

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I’ve met someone that’s my physical ideal but we can’t see eye to eye at all when it comes to music +/ movies. Also, they barely read. The sex is great, though. Can I REALLY date someone with bad taste in movies/music? 

You have to understand how shitty of a person you sound in this question. Based on the wording of this question I would hope that this other person feels the same way about you.

I’m also pretty sure that a relationship is based more around things other than music/movies/sex. Like past personal experiences and relations with the world around them, sense of humor, zodiac signs… a million of other things rather than if they like Animal Collective or not.  You sound like the type of person that owns a twice-watched dvd copy of Kids and still wonders why no-one else understands your taste in “cinema”. It’s because that movie is the most depressing thing ever and sure, I will bang you and all, but I’m not going to curl up on your mattress on the floor and watch Kids on your shitty laptop and then feel good about myself afterwards. Nope.

It sounds like you think you’re better than this person, which this other person already probably knows you feel that way and who wants to be with someone who thinks they are better than them? Yea, you should just chalk this up as something you can look back at when you’re middle aged and with kids, sigh, shake your head and say “man, I was kind of an asshole back then.”

You’re just not into them, sweetie. Either pull the fuck buddy card, end it or get off your high horse and realize the world is not that two dimensional.

 

Do you really have to love yourself before you love others?  

Absolutely. Life is not Silver Linings Playbook. I know I loved that movie too (running in plastic bags, Jennifer Lawrence in too much eye liner, whats not to love?) However, two crazy people do not make one sane person. A person who can’t love themselves will not equal one loving couple.

 

I just dated a guy who cried too much and it made me feel weird. Is that ever normal? Funerals and pets dying aside, when can a guy cry in front of his girlfriend? How do you tell him to pull his shit together without offending him? If its too much – can it constitute as a break-up-able offense? 

I think the main question is why your blubbering boyfriend bothers you so much. From what it sounds like you are more into a macho man, and you as the girl shouldn’t be around a sensitive dude.

This is unfair on multiple levels. Your boyfriend clearly trusts you enough to cry in front of you but the deeper question is why he’s crying and why it bugs the shit out of you. Are you jealous due to the fact that with him crying that leaves you playing the strong roll and sometimes that is just too much to handle? Is his crying more annoying to you or does it truly piss you off? There is no way to say “Hey babe, suck it up” but there are ways of being honest with him if you are truly honest with yourself. Ask yourself exactly what it is about his wet sad face that bothers you and word that in a way that your sensitive man can relate to.

You could just not be into the guy and are looking for a weak excuse to break up with him. Which of course, will lead to more crying. Bring tissues if that’s the case.

 

I just moved to a new city. How do I meet people? 

I will answer this question with a series of questions:

1. Do you have hobbies?

2. Do you like things?

3. Do you like doing things?

If you said “yes” to any of these things, you should do all the things in a public place.  Every new city is basically a middle school. If you want to be a cheerleader join the cheer leading squad. If you want to be a virgin for the rest of your life join the Latin Club…. or mock trial. Meeting people isn’t hard. Opening up enough for people to like you is the hard part. Be proactive and don’t expect great cool strangers to show up at your apartment to take you out for a drink.  Be an adult and act like a kid.

 

People say that I’m too eager when I like a woman. Is less more? How little is too little, where’s the balance? 

The real question is do YOU think you’re too eager? When you meet a new and exciting woman do you start dreading the moment that it might (and will most likely) end even before it even started? If the answer is yes then you probably are too eager based on your own self.  If meeting a new person and getting too excited like a puppy with a new toy is one thing, getting so excited that you end up wetting yourself every time you see a new toy is another thing.  I won’t say that “women like this in a guy” or “women like that in a guy” because I believe that is unfair for me to give you poor advice based on what I think women should be like.  But what I will say is this: if you are pissing your pants in excitement after the first date and already thinking about your future together with every new person you have one meaningless date with then yes, I do think you are too eager.

The balance is are you yourself with a new woman? Are you happy with yourself when you meet a new woman? Do you think about yourself the same amount as you think about this new love interest? If the answer is “yes” you may have found balance.